Soon it will be my 30th birthday, which has given me the chance to reflect upon the ups and downs of my life so far. I have looked back on the mistakes I’ve made and what I can learn from them. I have thought about what’s important to ME and what’s really NOT!
One of the things that struck a chord with me was my health. I wish that I had a stronger immune system and didn’t catch every little cold or virus that I came into contact with. I wish I didn’t let that awful boyfriend bring chaos into my life. I wish I didn’t miss out on those special occasions over the years just because I felt like I looked fat and that none of my clothes looked any good on me.
And while we’re on the subject, I wish it wasn’t so damn hard to find clothes that look even half-decent on me. You see, throughout the years I have attracted unwanted attention because of my “big bum”. Or so I’ve been told many times, even dating back to high school.
‘But men love big bums,’ my friends told me time and again. But I don’t really care if men love big bums. Isn’t it meant to be about how I feel about my body, not how other people choose to judge it? I mean, isn’t that the message we’re all taught from childhood?
I think sometimes that very simple, yet very essential message gets lost over the years. Women start to dress a certain way and strive for a certain body-type just to please men because we know they are highly visual creatures. But for me it’s not about that.
The truth is that, yes, I have wider shape on the lower half of my body than the upper part (which took me a long time to realize was the reason it was so difficult to look good in clothes). For years, I was confused about it – was I fat or not? I am a size ten. I finally came to the conclusion that, no, I wasn’t fat, just a little disproportioned.
I finally decided to take action and make a positive change for my body. I have tried yoga, running, walking, sprints, Pilates, boxing and circuit training, all to no avail. I don’t eat excessively and never have, because I believe a good diet is about moderation. But since my mid 20’s, I have tried so many different diets to try and make my hips small. In the end none of them worked, meaning I still can’t wear that beautiful maxi dress I love so much.
This was particularly depressing for me, particularly when they were so fashionable a few years ago, and all my friends looked so feminine wearing them.
It seems to me that no matter how much optimism my mother instilled in me when I was growing up (which in short bursts helped me block out the fact that my size was such a huge issue for me), this problem always managed to sneak back to the forefront of my mind.
So I decided to explore what other options are out there to fix this problem. There was no way I wanted to look back when I’m 40 and think ‘Wow, am I still struggling with this?’
I knew it was time to do something more because feeling insecure in my clothes stops me from going out as much as I would like to. And the constant dieting is wreaking havoc with my immune system, which makes me sick and gets me down – a lot.
Did I mention that because of my yoyo dieting, I have numerous stretch marks in the area, which I could have avoided! In our fast-paced world of technology, I hoped that with a little research I could find another option – a successful one.
I surfed the net for my answer and came across a variety of different methods for losing weight: weight loss pills, fat melting treatment, miracle coffee wraps – you name it, I’ve tried it. But all those delightful weight loss teas and liquid diets did nothing but make me feel ill a majority of the time.
I moved on with my research to surgeries, particularly Liposuction. It looked genuinely effective so I decided to book a consultation. I made an appointment with a Dr. Ashley Granot from the Me Clinic. I thought the fact that I’m a size ten would make him think I’ve gone nuts or something. I told him that I’ve been dieting, exercising and trying everything I can to lose the unwanted fat, but I just can’t seem to get rid of it.
‘No, I don’t think I’m fat, but I’m just sick of trying on 50 dresses to fit just 1,’ I told him, trying to hold back tears. I know it sounds silly, but all this has been a pretty big strain on my life for such a long time. Then he said to me, ‘You will never lose weight from the areas you are wanting.’
I was floored by his response. Absolutely devastated. ‘Tell me,’ he said, ‘who in your family has the same problem?’ I thought about it, and could name a few relatives with a similar shape to me. ‘You need to understand that it’s a part of your genetic make-up,’ he said, ‘so please stop dieting so excessively because the rest of you will appear anorexic and your problem area will still be there. Tell me, why are you doing this? Is it because someone said something to you?’
‘No!’ I replied, ‘I just want to be able to wear clothes without looking so… unbalanced. I want it to not be so hard to find a pair of pants that fit me well and look good.’ ‘Good answer!’ he said. It was an emotional experience for me, but also a rewarding one.
It gave me hope and excitement for the future that I haven’t felt in a really long time. I’ve thoroughly researched the surgery and decided that the results out-weigh any potential issues by a landslide. So now I’m saving my pennies and eagerly looking forward to my surgery.
I’ll post my next blog, on my feelings and experiences as I get closer to the day of my proposed surgery.
Miss Anonymous Blogger
28 April 2014